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  • "The trannies should be able to piss in whatever toilet they want and change their bodies however they want. Why is it my business if some chick has a dick or a guy has a pie? I'm not a trannie or a fag so I don't care, just give 'em the medicine they need."

    "This is an LGBT safe space. Of COURSE I fully support individuals who identify as transgender and their right to self-determination! I just think that transitioning is a very serious choice and should be heavily regulated. And there could be a lot of harm in exposing cis children to such topics, so we should be really careful about when it is appropriate to mention trans issues or have too much trans visibility."

    One of the above statements is Problematic and the other is slightly annoying. If we disagree on which is which then working together for a better future is going to get really fucking difficult.

  • I think this is something young people in particular are confused about. My dad has always had a slightly off color sense of humor, he always feels the need to privately ask me “boy turned girl or girl turned boy?” if I mention a friend and stress said friend’s pronouns, and yet when we had repair work done in the house and the worker was listening to a podcast discussing the evils of transgender people and how to cleanse society, he went out of his way to contact the owner of the business to discuss his disappointment with that worker’s conduct and stress the negative effect that could have had if there had been trans kids in our home.

    Our allies will never be perfect. They will never use the perfect language or have the perfect politics. But we have to appreciate those allies and meet them where they are, especially if they are willing to learn.

  • Hot take but I think our allies being flawed makes them even better. Sometimes the shit they say makes us think. Or reevaluate how uber-sanitized and bullshit the stuff we say is. I’ll take an ally with a little too much boldness on what they say or how over some “Audibly Walking On Eggshells Smiling Way Too Wide Looking At Me Like I Might Eat Them If They So Much As Stutter A Little person who says they’re a huge ally but it’s clear they have no fucking idea what they’re talking about and they’re just using as much “current vocabulary” as they possibly can to sound as ally as possible” any day.

  • My partner knew about trans issues before I came out and was always supportive, he'd sometimes ask questions and I'd explain things to him, but he was never in trans spaces/culture. He didn't know all the current vocabulary and whatnot.

    Still, he reacted negatively and got very upset, but I knew it didn't come from a place of malice and I gave him some time to think and after the initial emotions had settled (he's autistic, doesn't do well with change and hadn't really put much thought into whether he could also be into men up to that point).

    We talked openly and honestly and eventually, he started reflecting on how much happier I am, how I basically went from feeling completely numb, anxious, passive and miserable to a more optimistic, joyful version of myself than he'd ever seen in our 9 years together and how much of a difference just admitting to myself that I'm trans made. He could tell that I'm genuinely happier and that was really all it took.

    Within a few days he was already consistently using the right pronouns (despite first stressing how difficult it'd be for him and how he'd mess up all the time), coming up with new cutesy nicknames for me and within a week of us talking about our feelings and concerns as they came up, he told me not to second-guess myself because of him, that he'll always support me no matter what, as long as I'm happy, that we'll figure things out together like we always do.

    It meant so much to me that he never felt like he had to walk on eggshells around me. He got all the problematic questions out, got over it and now he's perfectly comfortable making lighthearted trans jokes that make me laugh and doing stuff like taking me on a date to the sports bar to play pool because "you're a guy now and this is what I do with my boys".

    He fully sees me as a man and goes out of his way to do many little things to affirm my gender. He's my biggest ally and the convos I've had with him did more to help me figure myself out and become more secure in my transness than even ones I had with other trans people, because with him I'm never afraid that I'll say something wrong and get a negative reaction (which triggers my rejection sensitive dysphoria), and he often asks questions that others would think are inappropriate to ask (for example whether anal sex feels so good to me because it's gender affirming or if it's just for kinky reasons, I genuinely had to ruminate on that one for a bit lol).

  • I'm just gonna come out and say the controversial thing that's been weighing on me for months now.

    I am visibly Trans and I experience transphobia on a regular basis. I have never once been misgendered or made to feel uncomfortable by a member of my Jewish community.

    I am visibly Jewish and I experience anti-Judaism on a regular basis. I am consistently devalued, shunned, and othered by Queer people in Queer spaces and Queer communities because of my Jewish identity.

    LGBTQIA+ people need to do better to accommodate religious minorities. Anti-Jewish sentiment due to Queer-based religious trauma isn't any better, kinder, or more moral than anti-Jewish sentiment due to white supremacy.

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    @unbidden-yidden There it is! Couldn’t have said it better myself

  • [ID: tumblr tags that read "some of y'all really need to get it through your heads that while atheism is 100% fine - antitheism is actually a hate group that helps further the goals of white supremacy and xtian colonialism - it's continued tolerance in queer spaces makes them unsafe for queer religious minorities including queer Xtians of color" /END ID]

  • "idc about surveillance, i've got nothing to hide." Okay well maybe you should then? Get some goddamn. flavor in your life already

  • I just think it's healthy and good to have some things that are private, and space to connect with your unobserved self. sorry

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  • Is it just me or should prisoners work for free....? You're in prison because you committed crimes, some of them incredibly heinous and disturbing..... Why should we pay you for manual labor whilst in prison?

  • Because if you’re forced to do labour for free, that makes you an actual fucking slave.

    Prisoners are human.

    Humans have rights that must not be infringed upon.

  • and even if you somehow forgot that part, you're overlooking the part where adding economic incentive to incarcerate more people can and does lead to false arrests. there are lots of cases where judges got exposed for taking money under the table in exchange for lengthening prison sentences and sentencing people who would otherwise be found innocent. one guy in one of the carolinas was bribed to send as many Black kids as possible to a for-profit prison. he was quite literally selling children into slavery. they were not freed when he was caught and removed from the bench

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  • Anonymous
    sent a message
    My sibling is alt-right and extremely hateful about his beliefs. He goes on tirades about liberal agendas and screams and insults me and our other family members when we attempt to debate with him. I live with him and being around him negatively impacts my mental health, especially with me being part of some of the groups he hates so much. I don’t know what to do. I feel so much hatred for him, but he’s my brother and we used to be close.
  • Members of the so-called “alt right” or “manosphere” actually bear very strong similarities to cult members - they become increasingly rigid in their beliefs, they have decreasing tolerance for ambiguity (everything starts to become either right or wrong, with no room for grey areas), they become increasingly preoccupied with “purity” of thought, their beliefs start to become the core of their personal identity, they accept the word of thought leaders without question or critical thinking, their relationships with family and friends deteriorate, and they often experience negative consequences at work or school as a direct result of their beliefs. 

    Dealing with a friend or family member who has joined the alt-right is very different from dealing with a family member who is dabbling with the idea of voting Conservative for economic reasons, or dealing with a family member who erroneously believes that Game of Thrones isn’t very good. Reasoned discussion and laying out your point of view will not work here. The tactics that you need to use with him are actually the tactics used to deprogram cult members, which includes things like:

    • Do not debate him. Never debate a cult member under any circumstances. It’s a complete waste of time for everybody involved, and it only serves to further entrench him in his toxic beliefs. Cult members do not approach debates in good faith - they are not open to having their minds changed, and they have no intention of ever listening to the other side. Cult members use debate as a tool to recruit people with possibly like-minded beliefs, or as a tool to gather evidence that the “other side” is delusional. The more you debate, the harder he will fight to come up with justifications for his beliefs, and the more satisfaction he will get from feeling like he is defending his “side” from attack. Shut down all debate with him. If he tries to start a debate, redirect immediately. If he makes an inflammatory statement at the dinner table, respond with something non-committal ( “hmmmmm”, “is that so?”, “okay” ) and immediately change the subject. Don’t get sucked in. No matter how hard he tries to open up a debate, deflect, shut him down, or walk away. 
    • Treat him with detached politeness. I know that it is very difficult not to get visibly upset when someone is insulting the very core of who you are as a person and what you believe, but but you have to stay calm and detached here. Do not let him see that he is upsetting you. When he is going on rants about his beliefs, treat him like a child who is explaining the rules to a video game that you don’t particularly care about - have an air of detached boredom, and no matter how hostile he gets, respond only with politeness. Remember, part of the core beliefs he’s being fed is that people outside of the alt-right are “emotional”, and that his beliefs are “triggering” to those people. Give him no evidence to suggest that is true. Stonewall him. Give him nothing but bored stoicism in response to his outbursts. No matter how much he escalates or how horrifying his beliefs get, always act as though you are having a polite conversation about the weather with a stranger at Starbucks. If he tells you that women should should be property and gays should be killed, respond only with a polite “Well, I suppose that’s one perspective”, or “Yes, I believe you have mentioned this before”. Nothing takes the wind out of a cult member’s sails faster than being treated with calm politeness when they are expecting a fight.
    • Do not insult him or the people who share his beliefs. The glue that holds cults together is a persecution complex. Cults absolutely thrive on being persecuted for their beliefs, and they depend on it to keep members from leaving. “People outside this group hate you and they will treat you much worse than we will” is the message that keeps people from leaving hateful cults, all the way up until the Kool-Aid is served. He is being fed the message by his fellow cult members that he is hated for who he is - a, presumably, straight white man - and that “Liberals” hate him so much that they want to take away the things he is “owed” (money, power, security, etc) and give it away to undeserving minorities who haven’t really “earned” it. Give him no evidence to suggest that this is true. Refrain from insulting him, or insulting the people he views as thought leaders or role models. You can definitely express your political opinions and make it clear that you are not buying into your brother’s worldview, but keep things direct and refrain from personal attacks. If he is gloating about the president to intentionally get a rise out of you, a simple “I disagree with his policies” is all you have to say - launching into attacks about the president’s looks, family, mannerisms or intelligence is fuel for your brother’s hateful beliefs. Remember that when it comes to your brother, you are not acting in the role of a left-wing activist facing off against a dangerous right-wing activist with a platform. You are a concerned family member dealing with a family member who has gotten involved in a cult. 
    • Ask polite questions, but do not engage directly with his beliefs. Do not read any of the reading material he recommends, listen to any of the podcasts he puts forward or view any of the videos he asks you to watch; it might be tempting to do so just to prove that you are engaging with him in “good faith” and that you have given his views an “honest try”, but this is a mistake. There is no such thing as “good faith” or intellectual honesty when it comes to cults, and there is nothing to gain from engaging in their propaganda. Do not treat anything produced or recommended by a cult as if it has value, because it does not. When he provides you with something he wants to you read, behave as though a young child has just handed you a live earthworm - thank him for the gesture, but decline to accept. Engaging with propaganda just legitimizes it, and gives him more ammunition to hunker down in his beliefs. When you do ask questions of his beliefs, be detached and polite. If he is ranting that all women are whores, ask him what the basis is for that belief. You are not looking to debate him or get a rise out of him - don’t fire back with counter-points, but make a polite, disinterested noise of acknowledgement, or ask for further clarification. You are merely looking for holes in his reasoning, or gaps where he doesn’t have evidence to back up what he says. You don’t need to point these holes out to him - there will be many. When he is unable to be specific, once again, make a polite acknowledgement ( “Interesting.” ) and move on.
    • Emphasize how much you miss your former relationship with him. Tell your brother that you miss him. Be specific - talk about the things that you used to do together, and the ways that he used to be involved in your life. If he tries to deflect and start talking about his beliefs again, or how he can’t be involved with you anymore because of your own beliefs or identity, don’t engage. Go back to talking about how you miss the relationship you used to have with him. If he insults you, pretend you didn’t hear him and remind him of a happy memory or a fun thing that you used to do together. It can take a really long time to have success with this tactic, but your brother does remember the relationship he used to have with you, and it is possible to remind him of what he is missing out on by continuing with his hateful beliefs. The idea is to take his beliefs out of the equation as much as possible - make him miss the relationship that he used to have. Any attempt at mending the relationship on his end will necessarily require that he get less extreme in his beliefs - it’s difficult to pursue a close relationship with someone and still insult them. 
    • Remind him of normal life outside the cult. People in the alt-right - and other cults - tend to become hyper-focused only on issues that concern the cult, and begin to forget about normal life. Your brother is likely spending a lot of time and focus on things like the “sexual marketplace”, abortion rights, refugees, gay rights, female superhero movies etc. Bring him back to earth as often as you can with reminders of things that are outside the scope of the alt-right, and are minimally politically charged. Start a conversation about a new restaurant that is opening up in your town. Show him a funny cat video. Ask him if he’s seen a minimally controversial movie. Constant reminds of normalcy can gradually help him realize how hyper-focused he has become on a few small issues, and remind him that his worldview and priorities are incredibly skewed.
    • Protect your own mental health. Living with a cult member is exhausting. The combination of fending off the insults, being bombarded with hate rhetoric and missing the person they used to be is exhausting. Make sure you are protecting your own mental health. Take breaks. Leave the house and spend time with other people. Lean on friends and other family members for support. Take care of yourself. Getting someone out of a cult is a marathon, not a sprint, and it’s important to conserve your energy. It can take up to five years to get someone to fully leave cult beliefs behind. Be patient. 

    One of the hard parts about dealing with alt-right family members is that people make the mistake of approaching them as a political movement, when it is more appropriate to address them as a cult. The way that they operate is much more similar to the dynamics of a cult than the dynamics of a mainstream political movement, and deprogramming techniques are your best bet for getting your family member back. I highly recommend that you and your family read up on cults and the tactics used to get people out of them. It is especially helpful to read testimony from people who have escaped cults or successfully been persuaded to leave them - if possible, look for materials from people who have left the alt-right, and try to present this material to your brother. This is an incredibly difficult thing for a family to go through, and I highly recommend that you seek out other families who are dealing with similar situations - you are far from alone here. 

    Best of luck to all of you. 

  • obsessed with how the entire movie is just this

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  • "old friends" is an underrated relationship dynamic because it's such an innocent boring sounding term for what is usually some of the wildest shit imaginable. it's always like 'oh yeah we go way back, we have history' and then you find out that history includes sex, drugs, murder, divorce, war crimes and The Incident

  • I think people need to tell more kids that they're proud of them for graduating high school. I'm absolutely dead serious, especially now. I can see the graduating high schoolers surrounding me right now are burned out and traumatized and depressed, and they've undoubtedly had a much, much harder time in high school than I ever had, and I had some pretty shitty high school experiences.

    I graduated high school with no more acknowledgement than the standard "congrats on surviving another year of school!" And immediately followed by "have you finished all your scholarship applications?" That was fine for me. I knew i wanted to go to college, I was set and ready for it, eager to get out of high school into more challenging courses.

    But if I just finished high school after two years of fighting through online courses and no one acknowledged the battles I went through? If I was as burnt out and traumatized as these kids are right now? I'd have never have gone to college.

    So for everyone graduating high school, even if you barely scraped by passing: I see you. I'm proud of you. You did such a good job. I wish you success in what you try to do, fortune enough to keep you safe and happy, and health always.

  • Anyways. I wish a very good night to medium and high support needs autistics. You deserve the world.

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    starting a collection. pierre talking to natasha in war and peace

  • one of the cooler parts of growing up is realizing that you were being incessantly lied to throughout highschool and that fat gay people are not only capable of being desired, but are actively and often voraciously lusted after

  • let’s talk about the early stages of hyperfixation where you can literally feel your brain getting doses of serotonin because of a show or a movie or a person or a character and mentally you’re like ‘ooooh no’ but it’s like a blackhole you can’t run or escape from so you just gotta ride it out knowing full well the next few months are going to be spent mindlessly obsessing over this thing

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    &. lilac theme by seyche